Chapter fifty Seven

When the dust had settled I rang and spoke to my ma, her tone of the phone was pissed.
"Hey"
"What you want Jon I'm busy?"
"to talk clear the bad blood between us?"
"no, what you want is for me to condone your actions, and I aint doing it, now if that 's it I have things to do."
I know things had got out of hand with Madison, but I could not let the bad feelings between me and my ma continue, I tried again.
"Ma look, can you come over and let's talk, I don't mean a full on fist fight and throwing shit at each other, I mean talk?"
the line fell silent, "Mom."
"Yeah, I'm here,"
"Well whadda ya say?"
"I'm thinking Jon Francis... I don't like being compromised and but in a very difficult situation. What you did today was wrong and unforgivable."
"Ma your no saint, so please lets not start a fight over the phone? are you gonna accept and call over?"
"I'll think about it. "
she hung up leaving me with the phone next to my ear and silence on the end of the receiver. I replaced the handset on the cradle. Getting up from the couch I headed into the kitchen and got myself a glass of water. Madison left over five hours ago. I know what I was flirting with was danger, and it was wrong, but I could not stop myself.... Madison had a charm and exuberance I have never seen before... I was like a moth to a flame when she was near.
Taking my glass of water I went back to the sitting room and sat on the couch. a million thoughts running through my brain. the highlights that kept replaying was the spat with my ma. Nothing had ever triggered a melt down like that before, and the more I thought on it, the more I was convinced it was not just about Madison either. I had to get her back here and talk, there was something that was not sitting right.

I walked over to the house phone for the second time and dialled her number again, I knew the only way to get her to come see me was to do the thing I hated doing the most. Apologise. The phone was answered in two rings, "Hello"
"mom, I'm sorry"
I was met with silence again, then she spoke, her voice much softer. "I should think so Jon Francis, I'm only concerned about you. D is your wife, she has given you four children... it is not fair on her."
"Hey, I helped with the kids, it was a two way street mom" I laughed trying to break the tension. no dice, my ma was in you listen to me mode.
"Mmm and the way your heading with that harlot you'll be a father of five..."
"Mom relax ok, it  aint gonna get that far."
"Really? does she know that?, more so do you? you have the look of a love sick puppy when she is near, what has gotten into you Jon?"
"She cares ma, she listens and understands what I've gone through, she aint judged me, questioned me, nothing... I aint had that in a long time ya know...someone that is just there... maybe I was filled with attraction for companionship"
"mmm, well my suggestion, get a dog... you are married, with kids, wake up and smell the coffee, or you wanna risk it all for one fuck?"
I was shocked at my ma's very direct approach. "mom, please."
"as I said, I'm not stupid I see how she looks at you, and how you look at her, for all I know you have already visited the lady garden..."
"Mom, please enough already ok, I aint done anything.... just kiss...
" Don't bullshit me Jon Francis... you are your fathers son..."
"what the fuck does that mean..."
"It doesn't matter... look I've things to do here, but I'll call over in the morning, and Jon, if you want to really convince me, ring the hospital and get another nurse assigned. "
"I'll try, ok?"
"don't try do it... right I've gotta go, night."
for the second time tonight she had rung off leaving me holding a silent receiver, putting it down I went back and sat on the couch and thought about the call. My mom was a force to be realised, but she made sense. I did really like Madison, she was the best thing right now about my day, but would I want a full blown love affair with her?, honestly no, I loved D, I loved my kids, and if I did carry on, I was pressing the self destruction switch, and the last thing I needed was that to blow up in my face too, but one way or another, the innocent party,  Madison was going to get hurt again too, and she did not deserve that.
Checking my watch she was due to arrive to prepare my evening meal in thirty minutes. When she arrived I knew I had to tell her.

Relaxing with my head back, I flicked on the stereo and listened to the mellow music coming from the speakers, Al green voice filled the room, I was totally lost in the story his voice was telling, the next I knew Madison was in the sitting room, she walked over and sat next to me,  as she spoke, "Hey gorgeous how are we tonight?" and then lent in to kiss me. I moved away,  and she pulled back, a look of confusion on her face. now was a good a time as any, taking her hand, she looked at me hurt; in her beautiful green eyes,
"Madison, I'm sorry, I really am, but I cant do this, I'm married and I have a family to think about." She studied me but sat in silence, I continued,
"look, if I was single, things would be different, but I  not, I just cant do this..."
I watched her waiting for her to say something.
moving her hand she looked at me, still with tears in her eye's she spoke,
"It's ok, really, no need for an explanation.... I'm sorry," wiping her eyes with her hand she stood, " I'll fix your meal and when I get back to the hospital I'll get them to send another nurse for you." then she walked out of the room, and went into the kitchen.
I felt really bad, and guilt had built inside me,  I got up and followed her, as I entered the kitchen she was at the drainer and crying,
"Madison, please,  look I really am sorry..." she raised her hand and tried to compose herself and stop the tears, then turning to look at me she said...
"I've done it again... I never learn..."
" you have done nothing, It was me, I took advantage, I feel so bad and I am really sorry, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you?"
"that's it though Jon, you have hurt me, you flirted with me in hospital, you have given me the come on every time I visit, then I gave you what you wanted and now you have a change of heart, seems like the wife or other love of your life was not in your thoughts when you was making love to me? or was I, just a casual fuck too?"