Chapter Fifty Nine

Just as I thought I was forgiven, Madison pulled away from me. "So that's it is it?, a lame excuse that you take after your mom and pop, nothing to do with you right? so I guess I've gotta go chastise your parents huh?"
"What, no, that's not what I meant, look I know I suck at this, and my apology sounds lame, but from the bottom of my heart I am genuinely sorry..." I paused briefly then carried on, " Please you gotta believe me Maddy, " I moved closer, but for the third time now she moved away from me.
"Look, its not that I don't accept your apology, I will, but I need time Jon. You have to realise how bad you have hurt me."
"Baby, look I know I've hurt you, I know I should have just ran after you when those words fell out of my mouth, but I was a total jack ass... and..."
Maddy interrupted, "no the words never fell from your lips Jon, they were thought out before you said them, and what's bad and what's hurts me so much is you meant them cause you said them with such venom, they struck my heart."  she sat on the seat to the side of the table. I moved and sat opposite. I took her hand. "
"I've said I'm sorry, tell me please what can I do to make it right? I'll do anything?"
looking up as her tears fell into her hands, she wiped away the loose tears as she asked..." Really?"
"Really anything,  just tell me..."
"Ill think about it and get back to you..."
" Cant you tell me now?" I was anxious that we sorted things and we could get back to being happy like before.
"no, I cant tell you now... my head is hurting and I need time to think things through..... I need you to leave now please..."
I wanted to protest, but could see by Maddy's face I had achieved as much as I was going to tonight, I gave in, releasing her hand I stood and walked to the door. Looking back I asked, "If I call tomorrow, will you answer?"
she shook her head and nodded and tried to give me a smile. "right, until tomorrow then..."
again she shook her head as I open the door and stepped outside onto the deck.  I thought about opening the door and calling back to tell her I loved her, but the lights went out and I thought better of it, as I stepped out on to the boat board walk and made my way back to Rich who I'd left sitting in the car.

As soon as I climbed inside he asked, " well?"
"I'm a total fuck head rich..."
"Yeah tell us something we don't know... I guess it went bad then huh?"
I shook my head, "it wasn't great..."
"so what happened then?"
"honest to god I really aint sure..."
Rich looked at me and raised an eyebrow, as he lent forward with his arms on the steering column.
"What?, how can you not know? that makes no sense... are you good or not?"
I thought for a second before answering, "right now I'd say not..."
"and your next move will be what then?"
"she's asked for time, so that's what I've gotta give her I guess..."
"and the tour? you cancelling again?"
"no, the tour is going ahead as planned... I'm just gonna have to focus on other things for now and do as I'm asked and leave her alone..."
Rich started the engine, "if you say so, but don't ball out me and the guys cause she aint hanging on your every word, right, were a team out on stage, and we don't need the crap Jon."
"what crap you talking about?"
"The hissy crap you dish when your pissed."
"Oh right and how often does that happen?"
"no, don't go there bro, you wont like the answer... just promise you will keep it in check and think before you open your mouth, that's all's I'm asking.. the rest of the shit we can deal with.. ok? "
right now I was too tired and drained to argue, so I just shook my head and agreed.
Rich shook his head...
" what?"
"Nothing,"
"no you were thinking something right?, out with it?"
"I was ready for the fight after what I just said... you sure you aint no imposter? cause the Jon Bon Jovi I know would be dishing it out after what I just said..."
I gave a lame smile as I replied, "Yeah I'm me, I'm just so tired of it all... drained and tired...so,  you taking me home, or we sitting here all night?"  He agreed and moved the car, the journey back was quiet, the radio was playing and we both seemed happy to just listen the chatter of the DJ and him spinning the tracks.
Pulling into the drive Rich came to a stop outside my front door. 
"you gonna be ok, or you want me to come in and we can talk a while..."
"Thanks, no its ok, I'm good,  sides I'll see you in two days right?, we can talk on the flight if I need too,  but I'm sure I'm good?"
he smiled at me, "ok, but you know where I am if you need me right?" I shook my head  as I got out and saluted him and watched as he drove back down the drive. 

With the door locked it struck me how cold and empty the house was, walking through to the kitchen, with the echo's of my own foot steps ringing in my ears, a thought crossed my mind to sell the house and go live in an apartment in New York.  By the time my coffee was in my cup, my mind was made up and I headed to the den.

 I fired up the computer and started looking at brokers and realty in New York. Scanning through pages I found what looked to be the perfect place, six thousand eight hundred feet, three baths, a sauna, gym, music room, theatre room, outside decking area, lounge, kitchen, and 6 bedrooms. the price tag was perfect too. at $2,000,000 over looking the Hudson river it was a steal.

Registering the number on the ad, I stored it to my phone ready to call first thing, and arrange to view before I left on tour.

Until Madison was back with me, I wanted to be out of this house and away from everything that was a reminder and a heartache for everything that had been fucked up in my life of late. Now it was time for a fresh start, one I prayed Madison would be part of.