Chapter sixty

Next morning showered and dressed I rang the broker to arrange a viewing of the apartment I'd found online.
Jake  sewell was a top broker and realty agent, I'd attended more of his open houses than I could remember, so the call was a real easy one.
"Jake, Jon,  Jon bon jovi, listen I've seen a property your marketing, I need to book a viewing, you free sometime later today say 2.30?"
I gave him the details and waited for him to confirm the meeting.... in seconds it was all agreed, 2.30 up town manhattan, he  even offered a late lunch too, which meant he was expecting an offer. I played cool and told him we'd see how it goes on the viewing first. But to be honest In my heart I knew he'd get the sale cause if it was as good as the pictures it was gonna be a done deal. Finishing my coffee I made my way to town and collected my dry cleaning, being on tour meant my regular house keeper had vacation time owing, and the replacement cover wasn't due till after the weekend. Walking in the shop the staff were always polite and more than accommodating and have never accepted payment for my laundered clothes, preferring to boost their business advertising I used their services. It was a win win situation.

Clothes sitting in the car, I called in to the coffee shop and took a break, next stop was to call at the realty agent to put the house on the market, but I'd gotta run it past D first.

Sitting in a booth, making sure I was not over heard I rang D.
"Hey jon, what's up?"
"Nothing, you ok?"
"Yeah I'm good thanks," there was a pause before Dot asked me straight.
"What's with the call? It's not just a friendly call is it? What you want?"
"Direct as always,"
"Am I wrong?"
This time I paused before replying.....
" no your not wrong, thing is I've been thinking, how would it be with you if I sold the house?"
"The main house?"
"Yeah, the main house, "
"Why?"
"Just cause that's what I'm thinking, it's too big for me, you've got the apartment and the Hamptons so I thought let's sell it, what ya say"
"Its a bit sudden, I need time to digest it all.... "
I sighed, " what you want me to decide on our kids home in a second?"
"Well yeah, what's there to really think about?"
"I'll tell you what, how about that's our marital home, it's our kids home too, it's where they were brought up, so no I won't give you my decision until I've thought on it...... and jon, don't go marketing it without my say so cause I'm on the deeds..."
"Fine, twenty four hours, I need to know before I go out on tour" D changed the subject, " how's the head" not wanting her to know I lied, "good thanks, so twenty four hours ok? I've gotta go there's someone waiting for me." I ended the call, pissed she would not agree. I was adamant I was still going into the agent no matter, getting a price was good? Right?. Satisfying my own question I finished my coffee and headed out of the coffee shop and set off in the direction of the realty agent.

In my own world my concentration was interrupted by someone calling my name.
"Jon, jon"
Looking back over my shoulder, 
And crossing the highway was Madison.
Reaching me, breathless she smiled, " where you going?" I pointed in the direction of the agent.
"Oh, what ya selling?"
"The house, time for a change and to cut ties on that place, where you going?"
This time Maddy pointed, the florist, my friend is sick so I thought I'd get him some flowers" I let out a chuckle, "flowers for a guy?"
"Yeah why not?" She stood with her hands on her hips and her lips pursed waiting to shoot me down..."
I held my hands up in defeat, "ok, not judging just saying..... " I shuffled from one foot to the other, then asked.... " any decisions yet?"
"Are you for real?, less than twenty four hours ago you asked me to forgive you? And in reply no I've not decided yet. Rest assured you'll know when I do..."
I smiled weakly, "ok, I was just hoping when you called out to me just now it would be good news?"
" it is, I called out to you didn't I? " then she set off to the florist leaving me standing watching after her.

Chapter Fifty Nine

Just as I thought I was forgiven, Madison pulled away from me. "So that's it is it?, a lame excuse that you take after your mom and pop, nothing to do with you right? so I guess I've gotta go chastise your parents huh?"
"What, no, that's not what I meant, look I know I suck at this, and my apology sounds lame, but from the bottom of my heart I am genuinely sorry..." I paused briefly then carried on, " Please you gotta believe me Maddy, " I moved closer, but for the third time now she moved away from me.
"Look, its not that I don't accept your apology, I will, but I need time Jon. You have to realise how bad you have hurt me."
"Baby, look I know I've hurt you, I know I should have just ran after you when those words fell out of my mouth, but I was a total jack ass... and..."
Maddy interrupted, "no the words never fell from your lips Jon, they were thought out before you said them, and what's bad and what's hurts me so much is you meant them cause you said them with such venom, they struck my heart."  she sat on the seat to the side of the table. I moved and sat opposite. I took her hand. "
"I've said I'm sorry, tell me please what can I do to make it right? I'll do anything?"
looking up as her tears fell into her hands, she wiped away the loose tears as she asked..." Really?"
"Really anything,  just tell me..."
"Ill think about it and get back to you..."
" Cant you tell me now?" I was anxious that we sorted things and we could get back to being happy like before.
"no, I cant tell you now... my head is hurting and I need time to think things through..... I need you to leave now please..."
I wanted to protest, but could see by Maddy's face I had achieved as much as I was going to tonight, I gave in, releasing her hand I stood and walked to the door. Looking back I asked, "If I call tomorrow, will you answer?"
she shook her head and nodded and tried to give me a smile. "right, until tomorrow then..."
again she shook her head as I open the door and stepped outside onto the deck.  I thought about opening the door and calling back to tell her I loved her, but the lights went out and I thought better of it, as I stepped out on to the boat board walk and made my way back to Rich who I'd left sitting in the car.

As soon as I climbed inside he asked, " well?"
"I'm a total fuck head rich..."
"Yeah tell us something we don't know... I guess it went bad then huh?"
I shook my head, "it wasn't great..."
"so what happened then?"
"honest to god I really aint sure..."
Rich looked at me and raised an eyebrow, as he lent forward with his arms on the steering column.
"What?, how can you not know? that makes no sense... are you good or not?"
I thought for a second before answering, "right now I'd say not..."
"and your next move will be what then?"
"she's asked for time, so that's what I've gotta give her I guess..."
"and the tour? you cancelling again?"
"no, the tour is going ahead as planned... I'm just gonna have to focus on other things for now and do as I'm asked and leave her alone..."
Rich started the engine, "if you say so, but don't ball out me and the guys cause she aint hanging on your every word, right, were a team out on stage, and we don't need the crap Jon."
"what crap you talking about?"
"The hissy crap you dish when your pissed."
"Oh right and how often does that happen?"
"no, don't go there bro, you wont like the answer... just promise you will keep it in check and think before you open your mouth, that's all's I'm asking.. the rest of the shit we can deal with.. ok? "
right now I was too tired and drained to argue, so I just shook my head and agreed.
Rich shook his head...
" what?"
"Nothing,"
"no you were thinking something right?, out with it?"
"I was ready for the fight after what I just said... you sure you aint no imposter? cause the Jon Bon Jovi I know would be dishing it out after what I just said..."
I gave a lame smile as I replied, "Yeah I'm me, I'm just so tired of it all... drained and tired...so,  you taking me home, or we sitting here all night?"  He agreed and moved the car, the journey back was quiet, the radio was playing and we both seemed happy to just listen the chatter of the DJ and him spinning the tracks.
Pulling into the drive Rich came to a stop outside my front door. 
"you gonna be ok, or you want me to come in and we can talk a while..."
"Thanks, no its ok, I'm good,  sides I'll see you in two days right?, we can talk on the flight if I need too,  but I'm sure I'm good?"
he smiled at me, "ok, but you know where I am if you need me right?" I shook my head  as I got out and saluted him and watched as he drove back down the drive. 

With the door locked it struck me how cold and empty the house was, walking through to the kitchen, with the echo's of my own foot steps ringing in my ears, a thought crossed my mind to sell the house and go live in an apartment in New York.  By the time my coffee was in my cup, my mind was made up and I headed to the den.

 I fired up the computer and started looking at brokers and realty in New York. Scanning through pages I found what looked to be the perfect place, six thousand eight hundred feet, three baths, a sauna, gym, music room, theatre room, outside decking area, lounge, kitchen, and 6 bedrooms. the price tag was perfect too. at $2,000,000 over looking the Hudson river it was a steal.

Registering the number on the ad, I stored it to my phone ready to call first thing, and arrange to view before I left on tour.

Until Madison was back with me, I wanted to be out of this house and away from everything that was a reminder and a heartache for everything that had been fucked up in my life of late. Now it was time for a fresh start, one I prayed Madison would be part of.  

Chapter Fifty Eight

Rich agreed to help me go find Maddy,  he was finishing up with his project and coming over. While I waited I rang maddys phone again....
Still the answer phone.
God damn it all to hell when would I learn to keep my mouth shut. I paced in the sitting room until my legs ached, as I sat like an empty sack into the arm chair,  maddys pop's business card was staring right at me. Picking it up I played with it in my fingers as I toyed with calling him to see if she was there. My fear was; if she had gone to her pops would she have told him? either way and no matter if he blasted me out I had to know. I dialled the number, holding the cell to my ear the call connected and rang out. " hello" success my call was answered, I decided to keep the call light, "hey doc it's jon is Madison with you?"
There was a pause before he replied. " hi jon, erm, no she's not, she did call a couple of hours ago to say you were going on a short break. And that she'd see me in a few days, is everything OK? "
How could I tell him no, I remained quiet for a second which made her pop ask, " Jon you still there?"
" Yeah I'm still here," I told the truth, but tamed it down a little. " Yeah we just had a little spat and she took off, I was hoping she'd come to yours."

there was a pause before he spoke, "What kind of spat?"

I tried playing it down, "nothing major just a spat," I even laughed to try to ease the now growing tension and concern in her dad's voice. "So what was it about?"

"oh something and nothing... so have you any idea where she'd go?"

he ignored my question, "if its something and nothing, and just a spat as you keep telling me, why has my daughter took off and you are anxiously trying to find her?"

I was feeling edgy, and wished I'd not rang his number, I was getting nowhere and now her dad was onto me... how the hell could I let him know how bad I had hurt his daughter.... I couldn't, lying did not sit well with me, so I gave a very tamed down run through of the event.

"Sir, I got checked out at the hospital, as you advised, and it was as we came out Maddy asked me if I was gonna rest as instructed. Because I told her I was going back to work in four days, things got real heated and things were said in that moment, which have obviously hurt her and she took off. I admit it was wrong and that ' why I'm looking for her."

Any idea's that what I'd said had cut any dice with him was as far from the truth as you could get.

I was met with a disconcerted "Mmmm I see"  at that moment I felt like a school boy before the head teacher facing detention for acting out in class.

There was a silence and I took advantage and spoke, "well thank you sir, I'm sure Ill find her and we can sort it all out, forgive me for the call concerning you." I cut the call quick before he had any chance to reply. I felt even more guilty now. I sat looking at the phone in my hands, when the door chime went.

I went and answered the door and let Rich in. "Right so what's gone down this time bro?"

I looked at him, "Hey don't judge me till you've heard me out ok?"

"Sure, but for you to call me, and I quote, Madison's missing, Rich, I've been a real jerk and upset her, what the fuck am I suppose to think eh? the one thing I know about you Jon, your temper is out there when you blow, so yeah I'm pre judging you, cause for someone to leave it must have been bad...am I right?"

 I had my arms folded across my chest, as I looked at him, I shook my head... "it's more than a blow up this time, its a fucking nuclear explosion... and  I don't know why I did it..."

"So what did you say?"

I ran through the story, and then told him the blow out I'd had and how she got upset and took off, then I get home to find she has taken her clothes too. "Rich, I really love her, but what am I to do?"

"right I know you've rang her, but have you left a heart felt apology on the phone for her, after that blow out bud, you have some serious fucking grovelling to do... and maybe if your lucky she will forgive you and come back."

"Don't wanna leave some sloppy ass message on her cell Rich, I wanna find her and apologise in person, holding her in my arms..."

Rich stood listening, "Yeah great sentiment pal, but just one thing,"

" yeah?"

"You don't know where the fuck she is, so that aint gonna work."

"well der, thanks for pointing out the obvious, but you know what I'm saying right?"

he shook his head. "where would she go? she must have told you about places she goes to unwind after a shite day right?"

"No, she just goes..." then it hit me, Rich, I think I know where she is..."

"Where,"

"get your keys your driving I'll tell you on the way?"

I ran to the door, and stopped as I felt dizzy, walking out the door to the car, I got in. Rich got in beside me, "care to share, or have I gotta mind read where I'm going?"

"ha ha funny, not... just drive I'll direct you."

He started the engine and out on the highway I directed him to the marina. As we pulled up, I asked him to wait as I started down the dock to the harboured boats sitting by the quay.

I counted out to the tenth boat and my spirits lifted to see the lights on inside.  I stepped over and boarded the boat and knocked on the door. I could hear someone inside, and then the door opened there was maddy.

Her eye's were puffy  and red from crying, another guilt bolt flew through me, then she spoke, "What the hell do you want?"

"you, can I come inside, we need to talk..."

she stood looking at me, but then stood aside to let me pass.  as I walked inside I mumbled " I'm sorry."

coldly she answered, "fine, that's great, you've apologised that it?"  

I moved towards her to try and hold her. but she dipped my arms and moved further inside the boat, "what, you think a simple sorry will cut it?, my only crime was caring for you Jon, after all you've been though I'm the only one that has stood by you, and you repay me with, "I don't need a nurse maid" your some piece of work and a total fuck ass... and for the record its gonna take a whole lot more than fucking sorry"

I tried again and moved in closer, this time as the tears fell she let me embrace her and hold her. "I know I'm a total jackass, and I'm really sorry, more than you will ever know, and if you'll let me, Ill take the rest of my life proving how much I love you and making it up to you? if you let me..." 

teary eye's looked up at me as I held her close, sniffing she asked, "are you saying what I think your saying?"

"well I don't know, what do you think I'm saying?"

"you know?"

"what?"

"the rest of your life bit?"

"yeah, what of it? "

her green eye's fixed on me, " but you told me you didn't need me, I was hurt, hurt real bad... you know you don't say thing like that unless you want to end it with someone, so, thinking that what you meant, I went home and  packed and took my stuff and came here. why did you day those things to me?"

"cause I'm a jackass, we have already covered that one aint we?, I say lots of things in the heat of the moment, it's my moms fault, and my pop's, I've inherited the Italian temper.... no excuse for what I've done, but if I promise, when my temper rises like that again you can punch me in the mouth, will you give me a second chance?"

Chapter Eight Seven

At the hospital, it was swift and it was confirmed no real damage just severe concussion and I was given orders to rest for a few days. Thing was all I had done since my stay in hospital was rest, I was heading back on on tour in a few days and I had lots to organise. Rest was the last thing on my mind.

As we left the hospital, Madison was holding on to my arm to steady me and studying my face. I felt like I was an old man, and was about to ask her to let go as she  looked at me and started in.
"your not going to rest are you?"
I tried bluffing...  but it came out as ancy "What ya mean?, were just outta the hospital and your starting in?, where's this come from?"
 She stopped shaking her head, "Damn I'm right aint I?, I've only been with you a short time but already I know when you get ancy your avoiding the question..."
I stopped too just ahead, my arm still connected with her arm. I  turned back to look at her as I answered, "Madison, you have to understand, its my job... its what I do.... I have staff relying on me...."
She interrupted, "yeah and you said they were being paid anyway so what's the biggie? "
"yeah they are, but I'm not Midas, I'm paying them out of my pocket not the profit from the tour... I've been off for over two months... I need... no have to get back to what I do..."
still she argued...
"even if it's against Dr's advice?"
I was feeling pissed at her,  partly because her common sense was to close for home, and making sense, and because she was coming across as clingy and I hated that.... I snapped,
"Madison, enough, ok?, I'm going back to work in four days. Period, its not open for discussion." I pulled my arm free of her grip and walked off at a fast pace looking for the car, I walked faster than I realised , my breathing increased enough to leave me feeling a little light headed, and even more frustrated as it dawned on me, we had no transport cause I was brought in by ambulance.
As Madison caught up to me, she was just in time to here me cuss. "Fuck"
"you want me to go?, I was only thinking of you, and  what's with the attitude huh? bit unfair don't ya think?"
I looked at her face, which was full of concern, my jaw clenched tight, I tried to answer her with out sounding cold and fact like, but I was in boss mode and it came out wrong.
"Yeah I get that," I paused before I carried on and the one thing I wanted to avoid saying I went and said anyway...  " but I don't need a fucking nurse maid,Maddy,   I'm a grown man, fully capable of making my own decisions, and for fifty two years, I think I've done pretty fucking well... so far, I've had slips, like everyone, but the day I roll over to a bump on the head is the day I give it all up and stop living. " my venom on a roll i cpntinued, "I'm telling you straight, so you know where I'm coming from, and let me just finish... I don't take orders from no one... you got that, no one...period"
tears sprung to her eye's as she spoke " I'm sorry I care jon, shame on me for loving you, maybe, I should leave you alone? " I said nothing and watched as she ran off in the direction of the elevators. I wanted to go after her, but my male arrogant pride would not let me, and still clenching my jaw I stood by the wall over looking the city, with no plans on what I was gonna do next.
I stood looking at the traffic below, people going about their business, living their own lives.... then I thought about the spat I'd had with Madison, as my temper cooled, a pang of guilt flooded through me. what had I done.
Head still pounding an urgency flooded through my veins as i ran back to the   elevators and caught it down to the lower level, out on the sidewalk, I looked left and right to see if Madison was anywhere in sight, I was praying she was gonna be waiting for me. I was disappointed. She was gone. I walked out round the corner and looked again, but she had disappeared . I re traced my steps just in case, but I had to face facts, I'd hurt her and she'd done as she said and left me alone.
Back out on the main sidewalk I hailed a cab to take me home, I was hoping that's where Madison would be. I tired my cell, to reach her, but each time I called her number it clicked to answer phone. On the tenth attempt I was compelled and left her a message, "Maddy, I'm sorry, please call me..." as I ended the call I  sat holding the phone, praying she call, but the phone was silent for the remaining journey back home.

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As the cab pulled to a stop on my drive, I paid the fare, I got out  and headed inside, opening the door the first thing I did was call out for Madison.

The house was empty and felt cold as i moved from room to room calling out her name.
I looked at my phone again,checking for a missed call, but there was none. Next i tried the grounds hoping to find her somewhere, but I drew a blank. I stood by the back door when a
a thought crossed my mind and I ran back inside and straight up to the bedroom,  I opened the closet, and felt a huge pang of emptiness and an icy grip filled my heart,  as her few clothes that were hung there were now gone.

Sitting back on bed, I just hung my head, remorseful of what I'd done.

The best thing to come into my life in I don't know how long and I'd destroyed it with my famous Bongiovi outburst... for the second time that day I cussed to myself again for being a real jack ass. I had to find her, I had to make it right, and to do that I needed help. Holding my cell to my ear I waited as the call was answered at the other end.... "yo, what's up Bro? "
" hey, rich, listen I need you to do something for me...."