Chapter Sixty Three

The show went good, Madison was front and centre and really enjoyed herself which pushed me harder to do good at what I do. The only spoiler was my stand in guitar, although the same make as my trusted original, somehow, it lacked the warmth and spirit of the other one. I made good and hopefully no one noticed. On Occasion Rich glanced over towards me and caught my eye, prompting me for a reaction, I kept my face straight and showed no emotion either way, but did throw my bro a stink eye once or twice, not having the required affect, it just gave way for Sambora to smile and raise his eyebrows at me.

After the show I headed back to my dressing room, opening the door, I found the usual flowers and cards from my devoted fans, sitting my butt on the chair I began sifting though the pile of cards and read each one. I picked up a nice looking good luck card with a horseshoe shape on the front, and lucky clover, opening the card inside was wrote in young handwriting,

"Dear Mr Bon Jovi, I hope you have a real good show, my mom will be there tonight to see your show, and its real special like cause she has now beat cancer. I would love to make her dreams come true and was hoping you would let her come back stage and say hi and have a photo took. We will be sitting in row B2 of the pit, I've saved my pocket money so I could let her come with my Grand pappy and daddy, Please make her dream come true. Love Ellie Malone aged 10."

I read the message over twice, then went out and found Mike Rew, seeing him down the corridor I called out to him, "Yo Mike,"  he finished his conversation with a crew hand and walked over to me.
"Yes Jon,"
"Do me a favour, go check out front of stage row B2 the pit and see if a young girl and her grandfather and dad and mom are still there would ya, if they are have them brought back to my dressing room, oh and get David Bergman to call back too"
he shook his head and set off to do as I asked, passing Maddi as she walked back along the corridor to my room.
"Hey beautiful, enjoy the show?"
slipping her arms around my neck, she smiled broadly and planted a kiss on my lips, "mmm hell yeah, I was mesmerized by the gorgeous guitarist..." she chuckled, as I smacked her butt. "Cut it out or else?"
"Else what"
both smiling her eyes mischievous, I whispered, "you'll pay..." copying my cheek she whispered back in a low voice in my ear, "bring it on Jovi..." she broke from me and headed inside the dressing room just as Mike Rew returned down the corridor with the family he had been sent to find. Coming down the hall from the other direction was David Bergman. I slid back through my dressing room door and waited for Mike to bring the family in and introduce them. First through the door with Mike was the young girl called Ellie, she stood proud wearing a Jovi t  and jeans with sneakers, her blond hair long fell around her shoulders, she wore a big grin and confidently held out her hand to meet me.
I crouched low so I was, more her height and shook her hand and gave her a hug.
She let go of me and smiled as she stood back a little and introduced her mom with pride in her eye's, "Mr Bongiovi, this is my momma, Sienna...." still beaming and smiling she stood  to the side and allowed a beautiful women, looking very scarred from her illness, to step forward. She held out a very slender hand towards mine, I gently took her hand and kissed it, I would have liked to give her a hug but she looked like if I did she would break into tiny pieces, just like a porcelain doll. With a shaky voice she spoke, "thank you so much for meeting me, that's another thing ticked off my bucket list, just four more to go."
"pleasure, so you been a fan for a while then huh?"
she shook her head, "yeah since I was a young girl, obviously a very long time ago..."
we both laughed, "time and health have been good to you Mr Bongiovi..."
"Thank you, your kind, but you don't see me in the morning... it takes a while now to get these bones moving freely, were all getting older right?"
she shook her head again, "sadly we are." she grimaced and near collapsed on the floor, " I managed to catch her, as she smiled at me weakly, "my hero"
"You ok?"  she regained her composure, "Sure, it happens, its age isn't it?"
we both laughed.

Chapter Sixty Two

"you know your gonna kill me..."
"well maybe you should get yourself fit..." she chuckled to herself, as I poked her ribs playfully...
"I think I need a better trainer for sure..."
"she rested her head on my chest and murmured "mmm"
I laid with her, and stroked her hair, I checked the clock on the side table... six thirty.
"babe, I've gotta start making a move, I need to head to the gig, I've got things to run through and check..."
she lifted her head, "really? is it that time already?"
I nodded my head.. " you wanna join me?" Madison nodded, "yeah, I'd love to, can I see the show too?"
I shook my head, "sure" Madison got up and headed to the bathroom, I swung my legs over the bed and lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, too much as it caused me to cough; and my eye's stung as I continued to cough.  Madison came to the bathroom door, "seems I aint gonna be the only one to kill you, those things definitely will..."
I shook my head in between gasping and still coughing... "I know right, but they are a hard habit to break."
"well try ok?"
I stubbed out the end, having had only one pull, and the rest of the time coughing, "think I'm gonna, I've not coughed like that for a long time. Still coughing I made my way to the bathroom and freshened up, back in the bed room and dressed the call came to the room, the car was waiting ready to take me to the gig, instinctively I picked up my wallet, cell and cigarettes, Madison eyed me,
"what?"
"after near coughing your lungs up, your still taking them with you..."
"look, I cant stop just like that, ok, I will try I promise, but baby steps ok... I'll cut down first, and take it from there..."
she cocked her head to one side and gave me that look, that said, yeah right... throwing her a stink eye back, she conceded, and stood next to me, "if you say so... but I am begging please try it's a disgusting habit, and..." she stopped, "What don't stop there? tell me..."
"promise you wont get pissy first?"
I laughed, "pissy about what?"
"What I'm gonna say?"
still laughing I answered, "ok, I promise to not get pissy, now tell me already..."
"well, when we kiss and you have been smoking real hard..."
"yeah" she was dragging it out, still fearful to tell me...
"erm, thing is, its like kissing an ashtray, the stale taste of cigarettes is so strong..."
I looked at her, no one had ever said that too me before, I was conscious of not wanting to be that person that stunk of stale smoke and definitely not tasted of it, lamely I protested.....
"but I chew gum after?"
"umm maybe you do, but that just takes away the immediate taste, I'm sorry really but I've gotta be honest, more so after your coughing fit today..."
I kissed her cheek, "i really will try, honest, now can we go?"
she smiled at me and shook her head.
In the SUV on route to the venue, my cell rang, "yo, what's up Rich?"
"What how that happen?, ok, i'm on my way, I'll sort it...I said I'll sort it..."
I hung up the call as Madison looked at me, "everything ok?"
"yeah everything fine, just a minor hiccup, it happens..."
I didn't want to discuss band business with Maddi, so sat silently looking out of the window and running through the set list for the evening ahead.
When we arrived we got out and made our way through the doors and down to the stage. rich and the guys were playing and listening to the sound that played back through the speakers, Maddi went and sat in the pit seats as I joined my band on stage, "show me the damage Rich?" he took my arm and led me left of the stage, sitting looking at me was my tackamine guitar, the lacquer all blistered and bubbled.... I went to touch it as rich pulled my hand back, "yo are you crazy?, that could be acid on there, you wanna another cancelled gig?"
"well how the stage hands bring it out?"
rich raised his eyebrows, "I dunno.. ill check, just don't touch anything already ok?"
I shook my head and agreed, I was gutted, that was my original guitar that I bought after graduating with honours with my teacher Al Perinello, now it was blistered and broken, a heavy sigh left my body as rich returned with the stage hand.
"Josh, any idea how this happen?" Josh was a new kid, taken on by my brother Tony, one of the sons of my regular roadies, he stood looking scared to death before he answered me.
"It wasn't me Mr Bongiovi, honest, I just brought out the case and unhinged the lid, I spoke to Matt and he said to leave it here and he would sort it later..?
"was there any fluid on the case or anything, you know something that told you it had been tampered with?"
"no sir?"
just then Matty came over, "Jon, sorry bout the guitar man,"
"What you did it?"
"no, well kinda, look not like that, the driver of the truck, he needed a new battery as his old one was dead, we were changing them over when the old one tipped and battery fluid leaked out onto the case. we hosed it down but some must of leaked through to the guitar.... I'm sorry..."
Still looking at my prized possession, I looked to Matt, well I tell ya bro, your gonna pay for it... you got my spare? "
"Yeah, its on its way now, it will be here for the show..."
grabbing the electric I walked out to join the rest of the guys, with Rich too and we fired up and played through a few songs ready for the nights show. the damage to my guitar had real upset me, but I hoped I could put it behind me and still give a good gig....  

Chapter Sixty One

Sitting on the plane  ready for us to head off to Alaska, I thought on seeing Madison in town the other day and how she had shot me down, and put me in my place, and not softly either. I don't know what it is with me, but strong women are always my type... I smiled to myself as Richie boarded and took his seat next to me.
"What's making you smile then?"
I shared what had gone down in town with Madison. "So your still not forgiven then?"
I shook my head. "Nope, but the flowers were nice..."
"Fuck, you were the sick friend?, gotta hand it to her, she's got you good.."
again I shook my head smiling. Tico and Dave with hugh and bobby boarded last, door shut the captain spoke and we taxied to the runway.
"so you ready for tonight Jon?"
"yeah, more than ready, I've been itching to get back to it.. I'm guessing you guy's are ready too right? ..."
A loud resounding chorus of "Hell yeah" met my ears...  I held up my hands in protest laughing at their enthusiasm.

Take off was smooth and as we ascended the captain, gave us our flight time, seven hours twenty five minutes, and told us to enjoy the flight, they were playing a movie which the rest of the guys seemed happy to watch, after saying my prayers for a safe flight, which was something I always did, I started a conversation with Richie.

"What can I do with Madison?, she has me on the ropes real bad, and as much as I hate it, I love it too. its like having a permanent itch ya know, and you cant rid yourself of it.."
Rich looked at me as if I had two heads, "whoa there, your asking me?, where's the real Jon Bon Jovi?, please come out and stand up?"
"yeah I'm asking you, so knock it off"
"colour me surprised is alls I'm saying", you never ask me or anyone for advice, so, what's with you Jon?"
"jeez, does something need to be wrong with me?, I'm asking for help ok?, I've never been in a situation like this before, I have always been married remember, this dating shabang is all new to me now, and at my age, I've kinda lost direction of how to do it right.."
Rich listened, then laughed... " really the great Jon Bon Jovi does not know how to woo a women..."
he looked up to the ceiling and rolled his eye's as he spoke, "Oh please"

"Ok, Sambora, I'm so pleased I can amuse you, but I'm trying to be serious here?, you gonna help me or not?" I lightened my mood and little and decided I was gonna rib Rich at the same time as getting his take on my next move...
"You know, I would have thought, you'd be only to happy to share the fucking Sambora love knowledge?" he cocked his head to the side with raised eyebrows and a smile on his face, as I continued "or is it that you have forgotten what to do cause yours has a crust on it three inches thick?"
"ewwww man that's grosse,  but for the record.." he spoke louder, Teek and the guys looked round and smiled.. " no I aint forgot, man, I get more action than some teens" he puffed his chest out all proud like, and I get plenty of praise from my women... thank you..."
deflating his chest he sat back, still looking proud of himself...
"Rich?"
"Yeah, you are an arrogant prick sometimes ya know.."
"he laughed and smiled, "dang right there my man, and proud of it.."
For the rest of the flight, I read the papers and then head phones on I laid back and head and slept.

I was awoken by Rich who less than gently nudged me in the side to tell me to prepare for landing,
"You bud, time to raise your chair and stow your table were about to land.."
I looked to the left and saw the snow falling through the window, blessing myself again for the second time on the flight I prayed for a safe landing. A few years earlier we had an incident and all but slid off the runway after the brakes had locked and we had hit ice on landing, it was a real close call. luckily we were ok, and after the service the Jovi Jet was all fine again, now I always felt it was right to pray to the divine lord to help us stay safe in our travels. My Ma had raised all us as Catholic's and although I didn't attend church anymore, I still held onto my faith.

As we taxied to the gate, landed safely I thanked the lord again in silent prayer, before we all collected our bags and disembarked into the airport. It was swift heading through security and passport control and we were soon heading away to the hotel for the night. 
In the car Rich asked, " you deep in thought, not worried about old ghosts are ya?"
"a little, it kinda screws with yer head ya know, and even though you know it should be alright now, there's always that doubt..."
Rich shook his head, "I get ya, but its gonna be fine, just use your own advice for once ok?"
puzzled I asked him, "what advice..."
"Believe in the power of we..."  I laughed, "yeah right..."
Check in at the hotel was a quiet affair too, no waiting fans which was unusual, but it was nice too, and once inside my room I was able to sit and work out the set lists for the two nights shows we were giving. I had decided on two different sets, so if the fans came to more than one show both nights would be different. I was just working through the second nights set list when there was a knock at the door.  I froze for a second before I called out, heart beating at a million times a second.. "yo"
there was no reply, anxiously I edged nearer to the door, again I called out.. " yo"
then a familiar voice that for once did not bring fear to my heart but the opposite, opening the door there dressed in tight jeans, a white sweater and leather jacket was Madison. " so you gonna ask me inside then or what?" she was stood leaning with her arms folder and legs one over the other, looking as gorgeous as can be, in seconds she had my reply as I grabbed her tightly and brought her inside.

Chapter sixty

Next morning showered and dressed I rang the broker to arrange a viewing of the apartment I'd found online.
Jake  sewell was a top broker and realty agent, I'd attended more of his open houses than I could remember, so the call was a real easy one.
"Jake, Jon,  Jon bon jovi, listen I've seen a property your marketing, I need to book a viewing, you free sometime later today say 2.30?"
I gave him the details and waited for him to confirm the meeting.... in seconds it was all agreed, 2.30 up town manhattan, he  even offered a late lunch too, which meant he was expecting an offer. I played cool and told him we'd see how it goes on the viewing first. But to be honest In my heart I knew he'd get the sale cause if it was as good as the pictures it was gonna be a done deal. Finishing my coffee I made my way to town and collected my dry cleaning, being on tour meant my regular house keeper had vacation time owing, and the replacement cover wasn't due till after the weekend. Walking in the shop the staff were always polite and more than accommodating and have never accepted payment for my laundered clothes, preferring to boost their business advertising I used their services. It was a win win situation.

Clothes sitting in the car, I called in to the coffee shop and took a break, next stop was to call at the realty agent to put the house on the market, but I'd gotta run it past D first.

Sitting in a booth, making sure I was not over heard I rang D.
"Hey jon, what's up?"
"Nothing, you ok?"
"Yeah I'm good thanks," there was a pause before Dot asked me straight.
"What's with the call? It's not just a friendly call is it? What you want?"
"Direct as always,"
"Am I wrong?"
This time I paused before replying.....
" no your not wrong, thing is I've been thinking, how would it be with you if I sold the house?"
"The main house?"
"Yeah, the main house, "
"Why?"
"Just cause that's what I'm thinking, it's too big for me, you've got the apartment and the Hamptons so I thought let's sell it, what ya say"
"Its a bit sudden, I need time to digest it all.... "
I sighed, " what you want me to decide on our kids home in a second?"
"Well yeah, what's there to really think about?"
"I'll tell you what, how about that's our marital home, it's our kids home too, it's where they were brought up, so no I won't give you my decision until I've thought on it...... and jon, don't go marketing it without my say so cause I'm on the deeds..."
"Fine, twenty four hours, I need to know before I go out on tour" D changed the subject, " how's the head" not wanting her to know I lied, "good thanks, so twenty four hours ok? I've gotta go there's someone waiting for me." I ended the call, pissed she would not agree. I was adamant I was still going into the agent no matter, getting a price was good? Right?. Satisfying my own question I finished my coffee and headed out of the coffee shop and set off in the direction of the realty agent.

In my own world my concentration was interrupted by someone calling my name.
"Jon, jon"
Looking back over my shoulder, 
And crossing the highway was Madison.
Reaching me, breathless she smiled, " where you going?" I pointed in the direction of the agent.
"Oh, what ya selling?"
"The house, time for a change and to cut ties on that place, where you going?"
This time Maddy pointed, the florist, my friend is sick so I thought I'd get him some flowers" I let out a chuckle, "flowers for a guy?"
"Yeah why not?" She stood with her hands on her hips and her lips pursed waiting to shoot me down..."
I held my hands up in defeat, "ok, not judging just saying..... " I shuffled from one foot to the other, then asked.... " any decisions yet?"
"Are you for real?, less than twenty four hours ago you asked me to forgive you? And in reply no I've not decided yet. Rest assured you'll know when I do..."
I smiled weakly, "ok, I was just hoping when you called out to me just now it would be good news?"
" it is, I called out to you didn't I? " then she set off to the florist leaving me standing watching after her.

Chapter Fifty Nine

Just as I thought I was forgiven, Madison pulled away from me. "So that's it is it?, a lame excuse that you take after your mom and pop, nothing to do with you right? so I guess I've gotta go chastise your parents huh?"
"What, no, that's not what I meant, look I know I suck at this, and my apology sounds lame, but from the bottom of my heart I am genuinely sorry..." I paused briefly then carried on, " Please you gotta believe me Maddy, " I moved closer, but for the third time now she moved away from me.
"Look, its not that I don't accept your apology, I will, but I need time Jon. You have to realise how bad you have hurt me."
"Baby, look I know I've hurt you, I know I should have just ran after you when those words fell out of my mouth, but I was a total jack ass... and..."
Maddy interrupted, "no the words never fell from your lips Jon, they were thought out before you said them, and what's bad and what's hurts me so much is you meant them cause you said them with such venom, they struck my heart."  she sat on the seat to the side of the table. I moved and sat opposite. I took her hand. "
"I've said I'm sorry, tell me please what can I do to make it right? I'll do anything?"
looking up as her tears fell into her hands, she wiped away the loose tears as she asked..." Really?"
"Really anything,  just tell me..."
"Ill think about it and get back to you..."
" Cant you tell me now?" I was anxious that we sorted things and we could get back to being happy like before.
"no, I cant tell you now... my head is hurting and I need time to think things through..... I need you to leave now please..."
I wanted to protest, but could see by Maddy's face I had achieved as much as I was going to tonight, I gave in, releasing her hand I stood and walked to the door. Looking back I asked, "If I call tomorrow, will you answer?"
she shook her head and nodded and tried to give me a smile. "right, until tomorrow then..."
again she shook her head as I open the door and stepped outside onto the deck.  I thought about opening the door and calling back to tell her I loved her, but the lights went out and I thought better of it, as I stepped out on to the boat board walk and made my way back to Rich who I'd left sitting in the car.

As soon as I climbed inside he asked, " well?"
"I'm a total fuck head rich..."
"Yeah tell us something we don't know... I guess it went bad then huh?"
I shook my head, "it wasn't great..."
"so what happened then?"
"honest to god I really aint sure..."
Rich looked at me and raised an eyebrow, as he lent forward with his arms on the steering column.
"What?, how can you not know? that makes no sense... are you good or not?"
I thought for a second before answering, "right now I'd say not..."
"and your next move will be what then?"
"she's asked for time, so that's what I've gotta give her I guess..."
"and the tour? you cancelling again?"
"no, the tour is going ahead as planned... I'm just gonna have to focus on other things for now and do as I'm asked and leave her alone..."
Rich started the engine, "if you say so, but don't ball out me and the guys cause she aint hanging on your every word, right, were a team out on stage, and we don't need the crap Jon."
"what crap you talking about?"
"The hissy crap you dish when your pissed."
"Oh right and how often does that happen?"
"no, don't go there bro, you wont like the answer... just promise you will keep it in check and think before you open your mouth, that's all's I'm asking.. the rest of the shit we can deal with.. ok? "
right now I was too tired and drained to argue, so I just shook my head and agreed.
Rich shook his head...
" what?"
"Nothing,"
"no you were thinking something right?, out with it?"
"I was ready for the fight after what I just said... you sure you aint no imposter? cause the Jon Bon Jovi I know would be dishing it out after what I just said..."
I gave a lame smile as I replied, "Yeah I'm me, I'm just so tired of it all... drained and tired...so,  you taking me home, or we sitting here all night?"  He agreed and moved the car, the journey back was quiet, the radio was playing and we both seemed happy to just listen the chatter of the DJ and him spinning the tracks.
Pulling into the drive Rich came to a stop outside my front door. 
"you gonna be ok, or you want me to come in and we can talk a while..."
"Thanks, no its ok, I'm good,  sides I'll see you in two days right?, we can talk on the flight if I need too,  but I'm sure I'm good?"
he smiled at me, "ok, but you know where I am if you need me right?" I shook my head  as I got out and saluted him and watched as he drove back down the drive. 

With the door locked it struck me how cold and empty the house was, walking through to the kitchen, with the echo's of my own foot steps ringing in my ears, a thought crossed my mind to sell the house and go live in an apartment in New York.  By the time my coffee was in my cup, my mind was made up and I headed to the den.

 I fired up the computer and started looking at brokers and realty in New York. Scanning through pages I found what looked to be the perfect place, six thousand eight hundred feet, three baths, a sauna, gym, music room, theatre room, outside decking area, lounge, kitchen, and 6 bedrooms. the price tag was perfect too. at $2,000,000 over looking the Hudson river it was a steal.

Registering the number on the ad, I stored it to my phone ready to call first thing, and arrange to view before I left on tour.

Until Madison was back with me, I wanted to be out of this house and away from everything that was a reminder and a heartache for everything that had been fucked up in my life of late. Now it was time for a fresh start, one I prayed Madison would be part of.  

Chapter Fifty Eight

Rich agreed to help me go find Maddy,  he was finishing up with his project and coming over. While I waited I rang maddys phone again....
Still the answer phone.
God damn it all to hell when would I learn to keep my mouth shut. I paced in the sitting room until my legs ached, as I sat like an empty sack into the arm chair,  maddys pop's business card was staring right at me. Picking it up I played with it in my fingers as I toyed with calling him to see if she was there. My fear was; if she had gone to her pops would she have told him? either way and no matter if he blasted me out I had to know. I dialled the number, holding the cell to my ear the call connected and rang out. " hello" success my call was answered, I decided to keep the call light, "hey doc it's jon is Madison with you?"
There was a pause before he replied. " hi jon, erm, no she's not, she did call a couple of hours ago to say you were going on a short break. And that she'd see me in a few days, is everything OK? "
How could I tell him no, I remained quiet for a second which made her pop ask, " Jon you still there?"
" Yeah I'm still here," I told the truth, but tamed it down a little. " Yeah we just had a little spat and she took off, I was hoping she'd come to yours."

there was a pause before he spoke, "What kind of spat?"

I tried playing it down, "nothing major just a spat," I even laughed to try to ease the now growing tension and concern in her dad's voice. "So what was it about?"

"oh something and nothing... so have you any idea where she'd go?"

he ignored my question, "if its something and nothing, and just a spat as you keep telling me, why has my daughter took off and you are anxiously trying to find her?"

I was feeling edgy, and wished I'd not rang his number, I was getting nowhere and now her dad was onto me... how the hell could I let him know how bad I had hurt his daughter.... I couldn't, lying did not sit well with me, so I gave a very tamed down run through of the event.

"Sir, I got checked out at the hospital, as you advised, and it was as we came out Maddy asked me if I was gonna rest as instructed. Because I told her I was going back to work in four days, things got real heated and things were said in that moment, which have obviously hurt her and she took off. I admit it was wrong and that ' why I'm looking for her."

Any idea's that what I'd said had cut any dice with him was as far from the truth as you could get.

I was met with a disconcerted "Mmmm I see"  at that moment I felt like a school boy before the head teacher facing detention for acting out in class.

There was a silence and I took advantage and spoke, "well thank you sir, I'm sure Ill find her and we can sort it all out, forgive me for the call concerning you." I cut the call quick before he had any chance to reply. I felt even more guilty now. I sat looking at the phone in my hands, when the door chime went.

I went and answered the door and let Rich in. "Right so what's gone down this time bro?"

I looked at him, "Hey don't judge me till you've heard me out ok?"

"Sure, but for you to call me, and I quote, Madison's missing, Rich, I've been a real jerk and upset her, what the fuck am I suppose to think eh? the one thing I know about you Jon, your temper is out there when you blow, so yeah I'm pre judging you, cause for someone to leave it must have been bad...am I right?"

 I had my arms folded across my chest, as I looked at him, I shook my head... "it's more than a blow up this time, its a fucking nuclear explosion... and  I don't know why I did it..."

"So what did you say?"

I ran through the story, and then told him the blow out I'd had and how she got upset and took off, then I get home to find she has taken her clothes too. "Rich, I really love her, but what am I to do?"

"right I know you've rang her, but have you left a heart felt apology on the phone for her, after that blow out bud, you have some serious fucking grovelling to do... and maybe if your lucky she will forgive you and come back."

"Don't wanna leave some sloppy ass message on her cell Rich, I wanna find her and apologise in person, holding her in my arms..."

Rich stood listening, "Yeah great sentiment pal, but just one thing,"

" yeah?"

"You don't know where the fuck she is, so that aint gonna work."

"well der, thanks for pointing out the obvious, but you know what I'm saying right?"

he shook his head. "where would she go? she must have told you about places she goes to unwind after a shite day right?"

"No, she just goes..." then it hit me, Rich, I think I know where she is..."

"Where,"

"get your keys your driving I'll tell you on the way?"

I ran to the door, and stopped as I felt dizzy, walking out the door to the car, I got in. Rich got in beside me, "care to share, or have I gotta mind read where I'm going?"

"ha ha funny, not... just drive I'll direct you."

He started the engine and out on the highway I directed him to the marina. As we pulled up, I asked him to wait as I started down the dock to the harboured boats sitting by the quay.

I counted out to the tenth boat and my spirits lifted to see the lights on inside.  I stepped over and boarded the boat and knocked on the door. I could hear someone inside, and then the door opened there was maddy.

Her eye's were puffy  and red from crying, another guilt bolt flew through me, then she spoke, "What the hell do you want?"

"you, can I come inside, we need to talk..."

she stood looking at me, but then stood aside to let me pass.  as I walked inside I mumbled " I'm sorry."

coldly she answered, "fine, that's great, you've apologised that it?"  

I moved towards her to try and hold her. but she dipped my arms and moved further inside the boat, "what, you think a simple sorry will cut it?, my only crime was caring for you Jon, after all you've been though I'm the only one that has stood by you, and you repay me with, "I don't need a nurse maid" your some piece of work and a total fuck ass... and for the record its gonna take a whole lot more than fucking sorry"

I tried again and moved in closer, this time as the tears fell she let me embrace her and hold her. "I know I'm a total jackass, and I'm really sorry, more than you will ever know, and if you'll let me, Ill take the rest of my life proving how much I love you and making it up to you? if you let me..." 

teary eye's looked up at me as I held her close, sniffing she asked, "are you saying what I think your saying?"

"well I don't know, what do you think I'm saying?"

"you know?"

"what?"

"the rest of your life bit?"

"yeah, what of it? "

her green eye's fixed on me, " but you told me you didn't need me, I was hurt, hurt real bad... you know you don't say thing like that unless you want to end it with someone, so, thinking that what you meant, I went home and  packed and took my stuff and came here. why did you day those things to me?"

"cause I'm a jackass, we have already covered that one aint we?, I say lots of things in the heat of the moment, it's my moms fault, and my pop's, I've inherited the Italian temper.... no excuse for what I've done, but if I promise, when my temper rises like that again you can punch me in the mouth, will you give me a second chance?"

Chapter Eight Seven

At the hospital, it was swift and it was confirmed no real damage just severe concussion and I was given orders to rest for a few days. Thing was all I had done since my stay in hospital was rest, I was heading back on on tour in a few days and I had lots to organise. Rest was the last thing on my mind.

As we left the hospital, Madison was holding on to my arm to steady me and studying my face. I felt like I was an old man, and was about to ask her to let go as she  looked at me and started in.
"your not going to rest are you?"
I tried bluffing...  but it came out as ancy "What ya mean?, were just outta the hospital and your starting in?, where's this come from?"
 She stopped shaking her head, "Damn I'm right aint I?, I've only been with you a short time but already I know when you get ancy your avoiding the question..."
I stopped too just ahead, my arm still connected with her arm. I  turned back to look at her as I answered, "Madison, you have to understand, its my job... its what I do.... I have staff relying on me...."
She interrupted, "yeah and you said they were being paid anyway so what's the biggie? "
"yeah they are, but I'm not Midas, I'm paying them out of my pocket not the profit from the tour... I've been off for over two months... I need... no have to get back to what I do..."
still she argued...
"even if it's against Dr's advice?"
I was feeling pissed at her,  partly because her common sense was to close for home, and making sense, and because she was coming across as clingy and I hated that.... I snapped,
"Madison, enough, ok?, I'm going back to work in four days. Period, its not open for discussion." I pulled my arm free of her grip and walked off at a fast pace looking for the car, I walked faster than I realised , my breathing increased enough to leave me feeling a little light headed, and even more frustrated as it dawned on me, we had no transport cause I was brought in by ambulance.
As Madison caught up to me, she was just in time to here me cuss. "Fuck"
"you want me to go?, I was only thinking of you, and  what's with the attitude huh? bit unfair don't ya think?"
I looked at her face, which was full of concern, my jaw clenched tight, I tried to answer her with out sounding cold and fact like, but I was in boss mode and it came out wrong.
"Yeah I get that," I paused before I carried on and the one thing I wanted to avoid saying I went and said anyway...  " but I don't need a fucking nurse maid,Maddy,   I'm a grown man, fully capable of making my own decisions, and for fifty two years, I think I've done pretty fucking well... so far, I've had slips, like everyone, but the day I roll over to a bump on the head is the day I give it all up and stop living. " my venom on a roll i cpntinued, "I'm telling you straight, so you know where I'm coming from, and let me just finish... I don't take orders from no one... you got that, no one...period"
tears sprung to her eye's as she spoke " I'm sorry I care jon, shame on me for loving you, maybe, I should leave you alone? " I said nothing and watched as she ran off in the direction of the elevators. I wanted to go after her, but my male arrogant pride would not let me, and still clenching my jaw I stood by the wall over looking the city, with no plans on what I was gonna do next.
I stood looking at the traffic below, people going about their business, living their own lives.... then I thought about the spat I'd had with Madison, as my temper cooled, a pang of guilt flooded through me. what had I done.
Head still pounding an urgency flooded through my veins as i ran back to the   elevators and caught it down to the lower level, out on the sidewalk, I looked left and right to see if Madison was anywhere in sight, I was praying she was gonna be waiting for me. I was disappointed. She was gone. I walked out round the corner and looked again, but she had disappeared . I re traced my steps just in case, but I had to face facts, I'd hurt her and she'd done as she said and left me alone.
Back out on the main sidewalk I hailed a cab to take me home, I was hoping that's where Madison would be. I tired my cell, to reach her, but each time I called her number it clicked to answer phone. On the tenth attempt I was compelled and left her a message, "Maddy, I'm sorry, please call me..." as I ended the call I  sat holding the phone, praying she call, but the phone was silent for the remaining journey back home.

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As the cab pulled to a stop on my drive, I paid the fare, I got out  and headed inside, opening the door the first thing I did was call out for Madison.

The house was empty and felt cold as i moved from room to room calling out her name.
I looked at my phone again,checking for a missed call, but there was none. Next i tried the grounds hoping to find her somewhere, but I drew a blank. I stood by the back door when a
a thought crossed my mind and I ran back inside and straight up to the bedroom,  I opened the closet, and felt a huge pang of emptiness and an icy grip filled my heart,  as her few clothes that were hung there were now gone.

Sitting back on bed, I just hung my head, remorseful of what I'd done.

The best thing to come into my life in I don't know how long and I'd destroyed it with my famous Bongiovi outburst... for the second time that day I cussed to myself again for being a real jack ass. I had to find her, I had to make it right, and to do that I needed help. Holding my cell to my ear I waited as the call was answered at the other end.... "yo, what's up Bro? "
" hey, rich, listen I need you to do something for me...."